Deze term kwam ik voor het eerst tegen bij de o-zo-charmante Lianne (aka de selfhelphipster). Van die dingen die je dacht dat ze over zouden gaan (deze zin draag ik op aan het Koningslied) als je ouder werd. Maar dat blijkt niet zo te zijn. Soms heb ik het gevoel dat iedereen om mij heen wijzer en verstandiger is geworden, behalve ik.
Ik nader heel langzaam de 30 en aan de ene kant vind ik dit geen probleem. Want hé, die 28 jaar en een beetje heb ik maar mooi overleefd en hoe langer ik leef, hoe meer toffe dingen ik kan doen en meemaken. Maar andere kant zegt zo’n getal ook: nou, dan zul je al je schaapjes wel op het droge hebben, een dikke carriere hebben, een rijbewijs en een biologische klok die op ontploffen staat. Eh nee? Kan het zijn dat 35 het nieuwe 25 is of loop ik gewoon een beetje achter? Hieronder een paar puntjes waarin ik zeker faal volwassen te worden:
Baby’s maken. Ik heb het gevoel dat ik als ik nu zwanger zou worden, ik een tienermoeder zou zijn. Want ik voel me nog veeeeeel te jong om kinderen te krijgen. Maar dat is niet zo. That ship has sailed ten years ago… Geen wiebelende eierstokken of poepluier-fantasieën te bekennen. Nada. Zou het nog komen? Ik hoop van wel eigenlijk. En mijn schoonmoeder ook denk ik. ;)
Autorijden. Ik heb de babystep genomen en een proefles gehad. En ik ben al bij het derde hoofdstuk van mijn theorie (van de 25, holy moly). Maar als ik eerlijk moet zijn, vind ik het een belachelijk idee. IK in een auto. Zijn jullie helemaal gek geworden. Dat overleeft niemand. Autorijden is voor grote mensen en dat ben ik niet.
Het nieuws volgen. O, dit is echt heel erg. Ooit stond ik tegelijkertijd op met Tom en keken we het journaal. Dat was al niet zo heel veel nieuws, maar nu volg ik helemaal niks meer. Mijn kapster vertelde me laatst dat ze het zo erg vond van de dochter van Whitney Houston. ‘Hmhm’ zei ik. Geen idee… Tom heeft een bijna ongezonde nu.nl verslaving, dus die praat me weleens bij, thank goodness. Die wist het trouwens ook niet, van de dochter van Whitney Houston.
Hoge hakken dragen. Zou met mijn lengte een heel goed idee zijn. Dan zou ik in een rumoerige ruimte ook eens mensen kunnen verstaan. Bij borrels of feestje praten mensen ‘over mij heen’ en dan hoor ik dus niks. Hakken zouden dat mooi oplossen. Maar daar kan ik niet op lopen. Ik voel me dan net een olifantje op schaatsen. Omvallen is bijna een garantie. Het druist ook wel in tegen mijn ten-alle-tijden-comfortabel-zijn-principes. Dus ik ga er denk ik ook niet meer aan beginnen.
Een schoon en opgeruimd huis. Ik probeer het wel ok? Deze week hebben we zelfs elke dag de woonkamer en de keuken opgeruimd zodat er geen vieze pannen meer op het fornuis stonden. Het fornuis however, kan wel een schoonmaakbeurtje gebruiken. Omdat er in huis altijd nog wel iets geklust moet worden, blijft grondig schoonmaken er vaak een beetje bij. Want dan hangen we in die tijd liever een lamp op of leggen we een stukje vloer. Of we kijken tv. Dat is ook een heel goed alternatief voor schoonmaken.
Een grote-mensen-baan. Heel veel mensen van mijn leeftijd hebben een baan die echt heel serieus is. Ze werken bij een advocatenkantoor, zijn piloot bij een vliegtuigmaatschappij of zijn kinderarts. Ze slepen promoties binnen en verdienen een serieus salaris. En daar zit je dan, op een verjaardag, tussen alle serious business people. Wat ik dan doe? Nou, ik schrijf stukjes en ik ontwerp logo’s voor bloggers en ik verkoop agenda’s. En ik maak vooral veel foto’s van mijn katten. ‘Agenda’s? Maar die koopt toch niemand meer? Iedereen heeft toch een digitale planner op zijn telefoon?’ Eh… Heus wel, echt waar…
Normaal eten. Het komt voor dat ik een koekje eet als ontbijt. Of dat we naar een feestje gaan en niet zoveel in huis hebben voor het avondeten en dat we dan tegen elkaar zeggen: ‘ze hebben vast wel hapjes op dat feestje’. En dat mensen op dat feestje dan toastjes met heksenkaas eten en tegen me zeggen: ‘nou, ik moet morgen maar een extra rondje fietsen, want ik eet toastjes met heksenkaas’. Ik fiets nooit een extra rondje als ik teveel toastjes heb gehad…
***
Nu lijkt het net alsof ik mezelf een ontzettende failure vind, maar dat is helemaaaaaaaal niet zo. Ik ben heel erg blij met mijn leven en trots op wat ik tot nu toe bereikt heb. Ik kijk er alleen af en toe van op dat anderen zo ontzettend volwassen zijn…
Ah toe, make my day en vertel me of jij ook een unsuccessful adult bent en waarom?
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